Signs

* On a New York loft building:
"Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."

* In a New Hampshire medical building:
"Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."

* In the office of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

* In a New York medical building:
"Mental health prevention center."

* In a toy department:
"Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."

* On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

* On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship.

* At a number of military bases:
"Restraicted to unauthorized personnel."

* In a number of parking areas:
"Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."

* On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

* In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."

* In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan.

* On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant:
"Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."

* In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

* In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"

* On an Indiana shopping mall marquee:
"Archery tournament. Ears pierced."

* In the bathroom of a large apartment building:
"When taking showers, please leave the bathroom door a jar.
This will prevent the plaster from peeling."

* Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."